Dear Banbury
With the exception of the 12 people i know in this town, this is for you.
As a child i grew up in Oxford, which to be fair is a lovely town and after visiting after a good ten years the other day, i have to say it is more beautiful then ever. And while your toown centre is beautiful you lot have some major issues.
Namely, that everyone i have come across that works in the retail trade in your fair town, has one thing in common. You all have a GCSE in RETARDATION!
My first issue is the train station, the woman behind the counter looks like the Mel B face from Bo Selecta with the intelligence and voice of Bungle from Rainbow. "How can i help you?" in a slow drawl, "No well i can't find it so it must not be there!" Wrong bitch as soon as i complained oh look you can find my train for the price i wanna pay.
Mcdonalds, Jeeeeeeeez who the hell takes over a building that is so obviusly not made to be a fast food restaurant. As soon as you walk in your in a queue, but that queue is blocking people getting out as well. The people behind the couter make you wait 20 minutes to be served cos their conversation is so much more important then your hungry belly. And then when you ask for something as simple as no pickle in your burger, they tell you to wait then go on a break, so 20 minutes later the supervisor is well surprised when you get all angry with him, yet they still don't see the problem. Well "The problem is, mate, that you kept me waiting for 20 minutes for a fucking burger and when it does come it cold and still got pickle in it, so yes i am fecked off."
And you, you overweight under educated minger in the newsagent, with a face like she been slapped by the back of a bus reversing. "Oi love, how can i take you 10 minutes to issue some lottery tickets??" Honestly. And to the two old ladies that shoulder barged me in said shop and looked at me like i'm something on the bottom of their shoe, i hope you fall on the ice and break your fucking hip.
But generally to all the residents of this shit of a town i have to say what is up with you people. The young girls dress like they pole dancing, the old people wear Barbour and young guys have all got those stupid hats like Dappy from N-Dubz. Your not big, your not clever and in any other town you would be owned in a major way. Shit my mates girlfriend could put you on your ass, so advance warning next time i come up i ain't gonna take your shit.
Yes today i am angry, yes today i wanna kill somene, and yes if i had a say i would nuke the entire town and start afresh with rats, would seriously be a better outcome.
Yours
A fucking angry man
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